dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
