please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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