We're facebook friends in real life
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
