the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.