meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?