"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(