I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't tell me you're on acid again