in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
