I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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