and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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