i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
