Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
