sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
420 ftw
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
