No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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