Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
