I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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