Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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