she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
