true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
