I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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