My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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