She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
