he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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