Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
