It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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