I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
