it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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