Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
