dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
