explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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