I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
