Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
