I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
