You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
