They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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