shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
