i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I only lived at night.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
