Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
