I think I can smell my own vagina right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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