I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
