shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
