After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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