I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
