she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
