Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
