That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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