grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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