I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
