New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize