he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
