she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
