is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
