It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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