So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
