I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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