Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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