Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm jealous of your bromance
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
